I am sitting on my sofa right now, surfing the internet, and enjoying the happiness that comes with my husband and Goombas doting on me. But, as Luigi sits and snuggles in next to me, telling me I am the "best Mommy ever," my heart is with someone else.
So, I am sending out this Mother's Day wish to someone very, very special to me. Luigi's BirthMom. I think sometimes, we forget that these amazing women--who tear their hearts out over a decision to give their child to another--are mothers, too.
BirthMom, when I met you, you were calm and at peace with your decision. You knew what you wanted for your baby. You knew that he could have a better life and that you were not ready to give him what he needed. And yet, I could see the pain in your eyes. As a mother in the unique position to have both biological and adopted children, I know how those first few minutes, hours, and days are after giving birth. There is a sea of hormones drowning you. There is fierce attachment to this tiny little person that has been growing inside your body. There is love that you never, ever knew could exist. When I think about how it must have felt, knowing what needed to be done, it makes my heart break into thousands of pieces.
There were so many OTHER decisions you could have made. You could have chosen abortion. You could have chosen to keep him. You could have chosen to give him to BirthDad. You could have chosen to give him to your parents, who so desperately wanted him. But, you chose us. You chose US! And every day I thank you for that.
The day that you placed him in my arms and walked out the door, I cried. I cried a long, long time. Not because I was so happy for my long awaited child (which I was!), but because I cannot even fathom the strength it took for you to walk out that door. Part of me wanted to rush after you and hold you in my arms and tell you it would be ok. But, that wasn't my job. My job was to take care of the precious angel that you had given me. The other part of me was sick with terror that you would change your mind. That you would come back in at any moment and say "I made a mistake." But, you didn't. And I will never know how difficult that was. But, I can imagine and I can honestly say, I don't think I could have done it.
BirthMom, we saw you again, when Luigi was 6 weeks old. We met at our adoption offices. You looked beautiful. (He has your eyes, you know!) I was once again terrified that you would see how awesome he was and want him back. You held him for a while. You looked at him with the shining light of a mother's love in your eyes. And then, when he cried, you gently gave him back and said, "Go to your Mommy."
Dearest BirthMom, happy Mother's Day to you. I love you more than you will ever know. And thank you, once again, for your amazing gift.
ps--And to all the Moms, Mamas, Mothers, Mommys, step-moms, moms-in-law, Godmothers, aunts, single moms, adoptive moms, moms who have given babies in adoption, moms with angel babies, dads who need to be mom, pet moms, angel moms and anyone who has ever taken a child into their heart--HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!! Cheers!