I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Come On, Mrs. Pteranadon!

This has been driving me crazy for quite some time now. I don't think I can keep it to myself any longer. I realize that this is my self-proclaimed "No Judging Zone," but just for the day, I am going to have to retract that and I am going to judge the heck out of a certain Mom. I am sorry, Mrs. Pteranadon, but I have a beef with you.

Allow me to say, before I begin, that I applaud your show Dinosaur Train for being so darn educational for kids. The Goombas know a lot of dinosaur names now, and a lot of catchy little tunes about those dinosaurs. I also give you snaps for supporting adoption. As an adoptive mother, myself, I think you are wonderful for opening your arms--er, wings--to a child that needed a home.

Now, let's get to the issues here. First of all, although you may be a loving pteranadon, you certainly are not a very good mother. In your theme song, it states, "...baby pteranadons, 1, 2, 3! I'll name you Tiny, Shiny, and Don. Then Tiny said, Wait! There's one more, Mom!" Hold the phone. You didn't notice the EXTRA egg in your nest??? It took your newborn baby pteranadon to point it out to you? You had better learn to be a bit more observant, my fellow mother. If you didn't even notice a fourth baby brewing in your nest, then how will you ever keep them safe when you take them to the store? Kids are wily little things, they can wreak havoc in a blink of an eye.

Which brings me to my next point. "The last little baby was a different size, with teeth and a tail and big green eyes. He didn't look anything like the rest! What am I doing in a pteranadon nest?" Again, I commend you for taking in a child that isn't yours by birth. Adoption is, in my book, a blessed miracle and it takes a strong person, excuse me--Dinosaur--to do it. But, my dear old Mrs. Pteranadon... You adopted a Tyrannosaurs Rex!!! Hello??? Are you not sensing any red flags here? Last time I checked, a T-Rex EATS other dinosaurs! I think you might want to be a bit more concerned about the safety of the rest of your family. After all, even if I just happened to find a misplaced baby lion in my house, I don't think I would adopt it, seeing as how it would probably make my family and I dinner at some point in time.

While we are discussing the fact that Buddy is a T-Rex, I feel I should scold you just a bit for not informing him of this in a more timely fashion. You let the poor kid wander around for quite some time not knowing what kind of species he is. Yes, along the way you met a lot of interesting dinosaurs and learned a lot of fun things, but think about your kid! I would not blame him one bit if he ends up in therapy for years because of an identity crisis. Don't you think it was just a little bit selfish of you to keep that knowledge to yourself for so long?

I'm only telling you these things for your own good, Mrs. Pteranadon. Please, for the sake of Tiny, Shiny, Don, and Buddy, you have to get your act together!

Or, maybe, possibly, I need to stop watching Dinosaur Train with the Goombas.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Cover Your Eyes!

This is going to sound a little strange, but I really have to get it off my chest. All of my Goombas have decided they want to be nudists and I have to admit, I am really sick of seeing naked little bodies!!!

I'm not sure when this phenomenon started. My closest guess would be about a year ago when Luigi decided he wanted to potty train. Shortly after that, during the summer, he and Mario came up with a new game, called "The Wiener Brothers." It mostly consisted of them chasing each other around shaking their parts at each other and yelling, "You can't get me Wiener Brother!" It wasn't long before Peach wanted to join in the fun, and although she lacks certain anatomical parts for the game, she would strip down before bath and crawl after her Brothers on their wild goose-chase.

In the bath tub, Luigi likes to lay down in the water and let the bubbles cover all of him except for...well, you know. Peach jumps up when I take off her diaper and runs around laughing like a maniac saying, "Naked Baby! Naked Baby!" Even Mario still likes to take it all off and parade around from time to time.

All of this is fine and good, even (dare I say?) funny and cute. Until recently. A couple of weeks ago, Peach thought she was ready for potty training. I was skeptical, seeing as how she is still fairly young, but did not want to discourage her, so we gave it a try. The thought of finally being a diaper-less family was pretty enticing as well. We got out the potty seat, bought pretty princess panties, talked about making peepee and poopy in the potty, etc.

Basically, this is how the next 48 hours went. Peach didn't want to wear a diaper at all, but also said her panties were "too tight." Thus we had naked baby tush all over the house. Luigi, thinking this was great fun, decided he needed to be re-potty-trained and took off his underpants as well. All of this resulted in me chasing around a toddler and a pre-schooler, cleaning up pee puddles, and catching the occasional "mystery rock" as it rolled across the floor. By the end of the 2nd day, I was not doing well in the patience department.

At one point Bowser came out of his office and, with a crazed look in my eyes, I screamed, "NO MORE PRIVATE PARTS!!! ABSOLUTELY NO MORE!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!" And then I ran upstairs in tears, gathering layers and layers of clothes to put on my birthday-suited Goombas. I couldn't even take part in bath time that night, so scarred from the day was I.

At this point in time, Peach is not potty trained. And I don't think I'm going to go there for a while. While baby bottoms are nice and all, I think for now, I am going to be content with underpants and diapers on those bottoms.


Friday, January 21, 2011

A Mid-January Update

It is mid-January already and I just realized that I have not posted for a couple of weeks. I would love to tell you that I have an incredibly good reason for this...like, winning the lottery and having too many places to spend far too much cash, but, really...I have just been busy. Here is how the first few weeks of 2011 have gone down for the Mario's...

~Mario has a new obsession. Angry Birds. Since Bowser got a new Android phone, Mario has completely immersed himself in the world of Angry Birds. We talk about it at breakfast, in the car after school, at dinner and at bedtime. What is your favorite bird? What is your favorite pig? Which level do you like best? Do you know what my score was? It is enough to drive someone crazy.

~Luigi. My dear, sweet, crazy, Luigi. In all honesty, I thought the obsession with Thomas would be over by now. After all, it has been more than 2 years at this point. I could not be more wrong. We are still in the full throes of passion with the Tank Engine and all his friends. And yet, there is a more...how do I put this...gentle side of Luigi that has been showing up these days. This side of my darling wants me to paint his fingernails blue and wear his sister's dress up clothes. Do I mind? Not really. He is only three. But, there is that little part of me that has to wonder if I have the next Clinton from "What Not to Wear" on my hands here. I mean, the kid knows how to put together an outfit. And he loves wearing high heels. You really haven't seen anything until you have seen a handsome young man with blue fingernails, wearing princess shoes and purple sequins playing at his train table.

~Peach is perfecting her life's mission to be an Academy Award winning dramatic actress. This girl can throw tantrums that would rival any diva. She wants to wear my make-up and when I say no, she throws it all on the ground and cries. When Bowser tries to punish her for pinching her brothers, she bats her eyelashes and her eyes get all watery and she says, "But, I love you, Daddy!" She somehow managed to convince Mario to give her his favorite Mario doll. And she loves to torture Luigi by taking apart his train tracks when he is playing. Have I mentioned that she is only 2? I am terrified at the thought of her teenage years.

~Bowser is getting ready to start another semester of classes for his Master's of Computer Science. I was all excited thinking now that he is in college classes again, maybe fun Bowser will return! Nope. Now it is just grouchy from working and studying all the time Bowser. But, I am proud to say that after 6 classes, he has a 4.0! Yay Bowser!

~Daisy spent the first full week of the year in full-blown illness. Sinus infection, ear infection, and bronchitis. Does anyone know what happens when the Mommy of the house is sick? Let's just say it ain't pretty, folks. Thankfully, my dear doctor prescribed some cough medicine with codeine. Aaaahhhh....nothing like a drug-induced coma to knock a mama out after a rough day of wrangling children. I am now feeling much better and I am totally back on my game. I've even stuck with a couple of my resolutions for the year.

Now here we are on Friday afternoon. And it is almost happy hour! I think I hear pizza and a beer calling my name... Or, probably it is just Luigi calling my name because Peach is pinching him again. I'm gonna stick with the pizza and beer theory for now.


Saturday, January 1, 2011

A Shiny, Clean Slate

Happy 1-1-11, everyone! I hope everyone had a lovely, fun-filled celebration last night! I, myself, happened to find myself in bed before midnight. Guess I am just not as young as I used to be. I did not go to bed, however, before making some solid resolutions that I fully intend to carry out in this brand-spankin' new year.

Resolution #1-Learn to let go of the little things. I am a perpetual worry-wart. It's time I learn to let things go. I also tend to overreact just a teensy, tiny bit over little issues. Not anymore! The new and improved Daisy is going to let go of the little things and learn to live life without the drama!

Resolution #2-I am going to lose the baby weight. Did you know that losing weight is the number one resolution in this country? And that most people make it about 3 months before they give it up? Not me. Bowser and I are heading to Vegas for our 10-year wedding anniversary this summer to renew our vows in front of Elvis the way God intended. And we are going to look good when we do it.

Resolution #3-I am finally going to learn how to budget money. I tend to, ummm...how shall I say this? I tend to overspend like Lady Gaga in the Wild Costume Shop. I must get this under control. I want to go to Vegas this summer and I desperately want to go to New York in June for my aunt's wedding. If I don't learn to save some cash-ola, that ain't gonna happen.

Resolution #4-Get this house in order. Organization is another top 5 resolution. But, I really have to get with it on this one. When the Zaz was here last week, she helped me clean out and organize my closet. What an awesome feeling! Who knew there was a cozy, carpeted floor in the bottom of my closet? I sure didn't! It was an inspiration and I am ready to tackle the rest of the house. In baby-steps. After all, God didn't create the universe in a day...I can't expect to make miracles happen in a day, either.

Resolution #5-Last, but not least, I am going to stop yelling so much. My poor Goombas are only going to have memories of a red-faced, high-pitched, high-decibel mother shrieking at them. I prefer for them to not always to think of me like that. As with Resolution #1, I am going to let go of the small stuff. They are children after all. A few extra moments for a snuggle here and there will probably do us all a world of good.

Have a wonderful new year!