I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Monday, April 15, 2013

An Advertisement

I have decided that it is time for me to capitalize on my strengths and at the same time, teach my Goombas... something.  So, I am starting my very own business and here is my first advertisement.

Daisy's Home Hospice for Dying Plants

Do you have a beloved Fern that has seen better days?
Are you having a difficult time letting go of your splotched-leaf Colea?
Are you ready for your Peace Lily to rest in peace, but aren't sure how to make it happen?


Look no further, Daisy is here to help!

At my Home Hospice for Dying Plants, I use my gentle black thumb to help put your plants out of their misery.

 

  I use my special techniques that allow your plant to let go without pain or agony.  These techniques include:

Forgetting to Water
Letting Cats Nibble
Allowing Cats to Use as Litter Box
Children Digging and Playing in Dirt (thus effectively destroying roots)
 Leaving in Sun 'til Burned
Drowning in Water
Using Beer instead of Water to Nurture


No plant is too hardy for me to help--even Cactus!

 

Stop the struggle today.  Bring your plants to my Home Hospice and I will help put your loved ones to rest.  

Call 1-800-BLACK-THUMB to schedule your free consultation today.  Don't live in the area?  Ask for my PDF booklet, "How To Kill Your Plant in 10 Days or Less."

Cheers!
~Daisy 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Crafty Daisy

I love to craft.  I'm sure I have mentioned this before, but in case I haven't, I just thought I would throw it on out there.  Crafting makes me happy.  It really doesn't even matter what it is.  As long as I am making something with my hands, that will beautify something somewhere, I am as happy as a clam.  I have done scrapbooking (which I still do!), jewelry making, crocheting, glass painting, wall art, flower arrangements...  You name it, I have probably at least tried it.  Well, everything except sewing.  I mean, I tried once to sew a badge onto Mario's scout uniform, but it really wasn't that pretty, and in the end, the sticky Badge Magic was just an easier choice.  Fast forward to this weekend.  I cleaned out some stuff in our bedroom and I found probably 15 pillows.  Not really new enough or good enough to sleep on anymore, but hey, I'll make some pillow covers and upcycle!  Not gonna fill any dumps with my old pillows.  I will re-purpose and it will be beautiful.  How hard can a few straight seams be, right? 

First, I borrowed a sewing machine from a friend.  Now, I haven't actually used a sewing machine since I was in 8th grade Home Ec., but I figured it out then, I should be able to figure it out now.  Then Peach and I went to the store and looked at some fabric.  She picked a lovely Barbie print so that I could make a pillow for her.  We decided not to buy any fabric for her brothers until they were there to choose for themselves.  Then, I picked a lovely beige canvas-y, burlap-y cotton to make throw pillows for my couches.  I also bought a little handheld seam-stitcher thing. You know, so I could sit on the couch and watch tv while I made my covers.   I was so excited to get started!  Finally!  Something that I can post on Pinterest that I actually made!  And I will brag about how EASY it was, and how it is something that ANYONE can do.  Can you see where this is going?

After Peach was dropped off at preschool, I came in and got to work.  I pulled out the machine, turned it on and looked at it for a while.  No thread.  Ok.  No problem.  I know there is something about a bobbin...  It took a while of me just looking at diagrams on the machine before I finally thought, "oh yeah!  Try the instruction book!"  Stupid book.  That was NO help.  Might as well have been written in alien language.  I mean, what is a presser foot and who needs a throat plate anyway?  But, I was starting to feel a little desperate.  I wanted to avoid asking Bowser for any help.  This is women's territory, right?  But, I knew that if I could just get the damn thing threaded, I would be good to go.  Bowser came out, took a look at it and said, "Just YouTube it."  Ok.  Good idea.  So, I finally find a video where the person seems like she actually knows what is up with a sewing machine.  I watch it, then go back and pause it at the appropriate times so that I can do what she is doing.  I get my bobbin ready, I push in the clutch (seriously, don't these things come in automatics by now?) and--PING!!!!  The presser foot comes flying off and there is only half a needle left on the machine.  Since this was a borrowed machine, I just quietly put everything back together and back into the box.  And don't worry Mrs. T.  I will get you a new needle.  Just don't ask me to put it in for you. 

But, I was not defeated yet!  I still had that handle little seam-stitcher thingy.  By this time, although not defeated, I was starting to lose some confidence.  So, I figured, I'll make Peach's pillow first.  The Barbie fabric is very forgiving with all that pattern on it, and she won't care if there are a few little mistakes.  I'm not even going to go into detail about what happened next.  I'll just say that I practically sewed my head to my elbow and still missed half the stitches around the pillow.  As I told the Zaz this evening, "It is the ugliest damn pillow you have ever seen, and NOT because of the neon patterned fabric."  There are lumps and strange seams and loose threads everywhere.  Why?  Because I couldn't even figure out how to tie off the end of a stitch.

So, basically, my fantastic idea, that should have taken (according to the directions on Pinterest) about 30 minutes, turned into a three-hour affair, with lots of swearing and not much to show for it.  I guess it is a good thing I didn't buy the pattern for the adorable little dress that I thought would be OH SO EASY to make for Peach.  But, I guess we can't all be perfect at everything.  Needless to say, I will NOT be asking for that Singer sewing machine this holiday season.

Don't look too closely.  The craftsmanship might hurt your eyes.

Cheers!
~Daisy