I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Drama Aint' Just for Girls...

Another typical night in the Mario house.  We are getting ready to eat dinner.  Since my oh so graceful injury, my dear Bowser has been doing MUCH of the housework.  (By the way, Bowse, my man, thank you and I love you!). Bowser and I had chicken caesar salad wraps, and since the Goombas wouldn't touch lettuce if it were dripping in chocolate (or ketchup in Luigi's case), they were having nuggets and fries. 

I was starving.  Starving!  I needed to eat immediately.  So, the wraps were done before the nugs and fries. We all sat down at the table and said grace and I started stuffing my face.  Meanwhile, Bowser was still waiting for the fries to come out of the oven.  Luigi was getting desperate.  He needed some french fries.  Not just wanted, but NEEDED some french fries.  He started frantically looking around. 

"Wait?  What?  Where are the fries???"  he cried. 

Bowser said, "What fries?  I ate them all already." 

Wrong. Answer. Daddy. 

As Bowser was trying to get the very hot fries out of the oven, Luigi started crying.  But, not just crying.  Actual wailing over the "loss" of his beloved potato-y goodness. 

"Daaaaaaadddddddyyyyyyyyy,"  he howled, "wwwwhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy??????  Why did you eat all the fries????????????????????????"

Bowser replied, "Well, I was hungry."  I would just like to state for the record here that I knew this was a bad, bad, bad response.  However, as previously stated, I was so hungry that I could have eaten my actual plate.  I was not interested in stopping an argument at that particular moment. 

Suddenly, Luigi, my dear sweet child, screamed, "Daddy!  You have RUINED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!  RUINED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now, I might have expected this from a teenager.  Or from Peach, who at 4 years old is on a level of drama I could never even try to understand.  I did not expect it from my 6-year-old son.

Fast forward 5 minutes.  There are, indeed, french fries at the table.  Luigi is happily drowning each one in massive amounts of ketchup.

Bowser says, "Hey, Luigi.  I'm sorry I ruined your life."

"Huh?"  (as if nothing ever happened.)

"I'm sorry that I said I ate all the french fries and ruined your life," Bowser said.

"Oh," Luigi said nonchalantly.  "Well, I THOUGHT you did.  But, now I have some fries, so you really didn't."

Well.  At least we got that cleared up.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Spray Tan

Yes, it has been another long stretch without hearing anything from or about the Goombas.  We are in the throes of summer break and.... well, you know how I feel about that. 

This is just a quick story for you. 

This morning, I was dropping off some handpainted glasses at a local boutique.  I love this place.  They have bling out the booty, and such super cute stuff.  Their newest addition...  A spray tanning booth.  Awe. Some.  When I went in this morning, the owner and some others asked if I would like to volunteer to do the first spray tan so they could practice.  A free spray tan?  Sure!  I'm game!  I have never had a spray tan before, and since my injury this summer (loooonnnnggg story, don't ask) I have not had much sun time.  Thus my pasty white legs must have alerted these women that I would be the perfect candidate. 

Now, I love all these ladies, they are all so sweet.  But, I don't know them that well yet, so I left my panties and bra on (straps tucked in) and said, "spray away!"  The owner of the sprayer thingy showed everyone how to use the sprayer and how to hold it and spray.  It was a little cold and sticky.  But, I couldn't believe it!  I had a beautiful golden glow within minutes!  WOW.  I am totally doing this more often! 

I should tell you that before I went to the boutique, it was early on Saturday morning.  I had not yet showered for the day, and I was still wearing my scrubby, comfy clothes.  And underwear.  This information will come in handy in a moment. 

Did you know that spray tan gets darker as the day goes on?  Something about the chemical reacting with your skin and activating.  Whatever.  I love it.  I have not looked this beachy bronze in YEARS.  Mostly because the sun and I, we don't get along.  It tries to give me sunspots, and wrinkles and cancer, and I frankly don't want any of those things.  Some people find this hard to understand.  And, that is ok with me.  I will be the one wearing the 800 spf when I see you at the park.  I digress....

I was so excited over my newly non-ghosty skin, that I was showing off my tan to the family at dinner.  And that is when Bowser, my love, my life, my husband, noticed the stripe on my back from between my undies and bra, and said, "It looks great!  Next time, though, you probably shouldn't wear your granny panties that go half way up your back." 


So, I highly recommend a spray tan.  I also highly recommend NOT wearing your granny panties.