I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Come On, Mrs. Pteranadon!

This has been driving me crazy for quite some time now. I don't think I can keep it to myself any longer. I realize that this is my self-proclaimed "No Judging Zone," but just for the day, I am going to have to retract that and I am going to judge the heck out of a certain Mom. I am sorry, Mrs. Pteranadon, but I have a beef with you.

Allow me to say, before I begin, that I applaud your show Dinosaur Train for being so darn educational for kids. The Goombas know a lot of dinosaur names now, and a lot of catchy little tunes about those dinosaurs. I also give you snaps for supporting adoption. As an adoptive mother, myself, I think you are wonderful for opening your arms--er, wings--to a child that needed a home.

Now, let's get to the issues here. First of all, although you may be a loving pteranadon, you certainly are not a very good mother. In your theme song, it states, "...baby pteranadons, 1, 2, 3! I'll name you Tiny, Shiny, and Don. Then Tiny said, Wait! There's one more, Mom!" Hold the phone. You didn't notice the EXTRA egg in your nest??? It took your newborn baby pteranadon to point it out to you? You had better learn to be a bit more observant, my fellow mother. If you didn't even notice a fourth baby brewing in your nest, then how will you ever keep them safe when you take them to the store? Kids are wily little things, they can wreak havoc in a blink of an eye.

Which brings me to my next point. "The last little baby was a different size, with teeth and a tail and big green eyes. He didn't look anything like the rest! What am I doing in a pteranadon nest?" Again, I commend you for taking in a child that isn't yours by birth. Adoption is, in my book, a blessed miracle and it takes a strong person, excuse me--Dinosaur--to do it. But, my dear old Mrs. Pteranadon... You adopted a Tyrannosaurs Rex!!! Hello??? Are you not sensing any red flags here? Last time I checked, a T-Rex EATS other dinosaurs! I think you might want to be a bit more concerned about the safety of the rest of your family. After all, even if I just happened to find a misplaced baby lion in my house, I don't think I would adopt it, seeing as how it would probably make my family and I dinner at some point in time.

While we are discussing the fact that Buddy is a T-Rex, I feel I should scold you just a bit for not informing him of this in a more timely fashion. You let the poor kid wander around for quite some time not knowing what kind of species he is. Yes, along the way you met a lot of interesting dinosaurs and learned a lot of fun things, but think about your kid! I would not blame him one bit if he ends up in therapy for years because of an identity crisis. Don't you think it was just a little bit selfish of you to keep that knowledge to yourself for so long?

I'm only telling you these things for your own good, Mrs. Pteranadon. Please, for the sake of Tiny, Shiny, Don, and Buddy, you have to get your act together!

Or, maybe, possibly, I need to stop watching Dinosaur Train with the Goombas.


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