I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Morning Routine

Mario is in 5th grade.  This means he has been attending regular school for 6 years now.  Luigi is in 1st grade.  He has only been for 2 years, but has watched his brother go through the morning routine for 6 years.  Peach is in half-day Kindergarten.  She, too, has been watching the morning routine her entire life. 

So, with 6 years of morning routine under their belts, why is it that every morning we have to start all over as if we have never done it before?  The very definition of the word routine is "regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure." (thank you, dictionary.com!)  Let's break that down, shall we?  Regular -- not out of the ordinary.  Unvarying--it does not change. Habitual -- something you do all the time that becomes a normal every day occurrance.  Unimaginative--we aren't going to wake up one morning and find dragons sitting at the breakfast table or get to fly our broomsticks to school.  Rote procedure--you shouldn't even have to think about it, you just do it.  

And yet, every single morning it is as if my little Goombas' brains have been reset as they slept.  It goes something like this:

6:45-ish:  Everybody wake up!  Wakey, wakey, eggs and bake-y!  
     Mario--Why do I have to get up so early?
     Luigi--I'm too tired!
     Peach--Do I HAVE to go to school today?
     Me--Because we have school, you went to bed early so you are fine, and YES.  School.  Just like last week and the week before and the week before and the week before.... 

6:59-7:06:  Breakfast!  Come on everyone!  Get breakfast so we can get ready for school!
     Mario slumps downstairs and begrudgingly and ever so SLOWLY gets a bowl of cereal.
     Luigi tumbles down the stairs with no socks on and goes to play with his Hot Wheels.
     Peach bounces down the stairs and begins to regale us with play-by-plays of all her dreams.
     Me:  Mario, move it along.  Luigi, breakfast not cars.  Peach, please sit down and eat while you talk.  (**repeat no less than 7 times)

7:18-7:26--Brush teeth!  Brush hair!  Get shoes on!  Let's get out the door!  (this is in my "happy voice")
     Mario--lingers over cereal.  Yawns.  Stands on the vent to "warm up."  
     Me--Mario, come on.  Brush your teeth.  Do what needs to be done.
     Mario--I brushed my teeth yesterday.  And why do I have to comb my hair?  It's not like anyone cares.
     Me--I care.  I care a lot.  And we have to brush our teeth every day.  Just like I told you yesterday. 
     Mario--Fine, whatever, no one cares about any of that.  
     Me--(getting aggravated) Just. Go. Do. It.
     Mario--stomps upstairs.  Plays in room.  Wanders up and down the hall.  Finally brushes teeth.  Comes down with hair still in curly afro.   

At the same time--
     Luigi--running around island.  Grabbing toys.  Picking on Peach.  Crawling on the floor.
     Me--Luigi, if you are finished eating, please go brush your teeth.
     Luigi--I'm not done.
     Me--Then sit down and finish so you can do the rest of your routine.  (oh, see, there is that word again--routine!)
     Luigi--Ok.  Takes one bite.  Decides that now is the appropriate time to lay on the couch and burrito up in a blanket.
     Me--Luigi.  Finish eating.
     Luigi--I'm done.  Can I play on the DS?
     Me--No.  It's a school morning.  What do you need to do next?
     Luigi--*blink, blink*  I dunno?
     Me--Brush your teeth.
     Luigi--Oh yeah.  Runs upstairs.  Then back down.  Then back up.  Then back down.  Starts to put together a Lego toy.  
     I won't even go on here, because this is pretty much what happens til we walk out the door.

And at the same time--
     Me:  Peach, if you are done eating, please go brush your teeth. 
     Peach--Wait mom.  First I want you to smell my breath.
     Me--No thank you.  You can just go brush.
     Peach--But, I want you to smell it NOW so that you can smell it again after I brush.
     Me--Again, no thank you.  I know what your morning breath smells like.  Just go brush.
     Peach--breaking down into tears.  I juuuuuusssssst want you to smeeeeelllllllll mmmmmmmyyyyyyy bbbbbbrrrrrreeeeaaaatttthhhh, mmmmmmooooooooommmmmmm!!!!
     Me--Fine!  *sniff, gag* NOW GO BRUSH!

7:28:  Ok, everyone get your shoes on and grab your backpacks!  It's time to head out!  (At this point, I am trying to remain cheerful, although my will to live is slowly diminishing.)
     Mario-- I forgot to do my Math last night.  
     Luigi--throwing socks at Peach and laughing maniacally.  Wiggling butt in Mario's face.
     Peach--I don't know where my shoes are, but can I bring blankie and ALL of my My Little Ponies with me?
     Me--banging head on kitchen counter.  Just.  Get.  Your.  Shoes.  On.  

7:39:  GET YOUR SHOES ON AND GET OUT TO THE CAR!!!!!!  (Yes, I have lost it by now.)
     Mario--Why do I even have to go to school anyway?  I just want to play football.  **hair still in curly, bed-head, afro.
     Luigi--I can tie my shoes!  And look, Mom, I got toothpaste on my knee!  (what the....???)
     Peach--I am going to wear my crown to school today because I am a princess and I am only going to meow because I am a kitty princess!  Meow, meow!

Eventually they all get to the mini-van and somehow we manage to arrive at school on time.  But, I kid you not...  Every. Single. Morning.  

And this, my friends, is why beer should be a breakfast drink.  



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