I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Blog For Bowser

My dearest, darling husband,

You are away for the weekend on your annual hunting trip right now. I must admit, I really thought the break would be nice. I mean, you do work from home so we are together ALL THE TIME. And now, I realize that I was just a little bit wrong. Now, listen up, Honey, because you know I won't admit this often, but this family just cannot function without you. Apparently, there are a few things we really need to have you around for.

Let's start with yesterday morning after you left. All was going fine, the Goombas and I were enjoying Saturday morning cartoons, I was sipping on my coffee thinking about what a relaxing weekend this would be. We made it through the morning, went to Wally-World for some Halloween gear and then we went to lunch at the Golden Arches. Because that is what Mom does when Daddy is gone, load the kids up on grease and salt and get them high on crappy, happy toys. That was when things started going downhill. Luigi decided that shoveling french fries (drenched in ketchup, of course) in his mouth and running circles around the table would be awesome. I'm sure you can guess what happened next. Luckily, they Happy Toy was a Halloween bucket. Perfect for a puking child. Thankfully my good friend, Lady Tag was there to help, because without her, I'm sure we would never be invited back to the "Place of Salty Goodness" again.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. Tra-la-la-la-laaaa! Everything again was splendid. I made honey biscuits for the Goombas for breakfast. We were having a gay old time when--BAM!!! Reality hit. Peach started in on an hour long temper tantrum that only, "Daddy!!! No Mommy! Daaaaaaaddddddyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!" could fix. I found a dead mouse in the garage that had strategically placed its body in my path to the driver's side door. Also, right in front of the outside refrigerator holding all of our extra milk and beer. Guess what we were out of inside the house. I'll give you a hint. It wasn't beer. As I was trying to soothe Peach and figure out how to trick Luigi into wanting anything BUT milk, Mario came to me and said, "Hey, Mom! Look! Here is a piece of my tooth!" Then he pulled out 3 more small tooth nuggets. Apparently sometimes the baby molars don't just fall out, they shatter into a billion pieces and come out bit by bit. Ummm...that information would have been useful YESTERDAY!

Thankfully, Peach's tantrum was nothing that a good old-fashioned princess movie couldn't fix. Even more thankfully, our fabulous friend, Mr. FK, came and took care of Mr. Dead-Mousey for me. Which means I was able to get to the outside fridge to get milk for Luigi (and a much-needed beer for me). As far as Mario's tooth, we are hoping the rest wiggles out be the end of the night.

To be honest with you, I just don't know how single moms do it. You ladies are amazing! By the end of Sunday evening, I was drained. So drained, in fact, that I laid on the couch like a vegetable just staring vacantly at the television, not even paying attention to the fact that Bree was sleeping with David from 90210. Ok, maybe I paid a little bit of attention. But, that isn't the point. I still had to get through Monday morning, which was going to be the most challenging part of our vacation from Daddy. Get myself and three Goombas ready for school and out the door by 7:50 a.m.

I am not even going to go into detail about how Monday morning played itself out. Let's just say there was a lot of yelling and crying and coffee-chugging. Somehow, though, we all managed to make it out the door in one piece. It is all kind of a blur to me at this point. Then we started counting down hours till Daddy came home.

Bowser, my love, I feel that I must apologize for just throwing children at you and running out the door as soon as you walked in. But, let's be real, here. You know as well as I do, that someone would have been hurt if I hadn't immediately escaped. And now you are home and the rhythm of life is back to its normal cadence. So, I am just going to say, thanks for all you do. Even though I complain, I guess you do more than I give you credit for. Without you, this family just wouldn't work. And I wouldn't get much sleep because we all know the "door-lock monster" is just waiting for me to fall asleep when you aren't here so he can come eat me and the Goombas.

Glad you are home, Honey!


P.S. For those of you wondering about the Door-Lock Monster... Not to worry, you will hear more about him very soon. ~Cheers!

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