I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A New Virus

Did you know there is a new virus going around? And that unfortunately there is no vaccine for it? Actually this virus isn't that new. It has been around since at least when Mario was a baby, and my guess would be it was around way before that. You may have heard of it before, and chances are your kids already have or have had it. It's called the Justa Virus.

This is a particularly sneaky type of illness. It can start with a fever (or not), runny nose (clear, green or otherwise colored), a cough (hacking or wet), and general crankiness. New babies with no siblings are especially prone to this virus, as the new parents usually have no idea what is happening. (Mario was diagnosed with it probably 10 times in his first year.) After a day or two (or 4 or 5 if you are a seasoned mom) you will decide to take your child in to see the Pediatrician.

Now, you may LOVE your pediatrician, as I love ours, but going to visit Dr. Kids? Not so much fun. First of all, you end up in a waiting room full of toys that are probably covered in Justa germs--or worse. Your already cranky child doesn't want to wait for anything, let alone someone who is going to poke them with funny things and gag them with a popsicle stick. Dr. Kids is usually running late because another mother decided to make an appointment for one kid, but she brought all her other ones along to ask questions about during the same appointment. (I have NEVER done this! Please note dripping sarcasm.) Eventually, you get called into the exam room, which is usually about four feet by four feet, may or may not have toys and is so loud and echo-y that you are sure everyone must be able to hear your child for miles. Then you wait some more. Even if it is only a 5 minute wait, with a small sick Goomba, this can feel like 5 hours. Finally Dr. Kids comes in and you think, "Whew! Finally some relief! He is going to tell us what is wrong and everything will be better and life will get back to normal."

Dr. Kids examines child and then tries to talk to you as if you have super-sonic hearing that can distinguish words over the sound of wailing children. Here is how the conversation usually goes:

Dr. Kids: What are the little Goomba's symptoms?
Me: Fever, runny nose, cranky all the time, kind of a wet cough. It's been about 5 days.
Dr. Kids: Let me take a look.

At this point, Goomba sits like a perfect angel and let's Dr. Kids do all kinds of stuff because it is so awesome when he wants to check your lymph nodes, but so NOT awesome when Mommy tries to do it.

Dr. Kids: Any vomiting or diarrhea?
Me: No.
Dr. Kids: Any loss of appetite?
Me: Not really.
Dr. Kids: Well, there is no sign of infection, everything looks great. I would say it is Just A Virus.
Me: (Internally) DAMN YOU, JUSTA!!!!

See, there is no cure or really anything at all you can do for the Justa Virus. It fools you into thinking your child is really very sick and needs medical attention. Then you haul everyone in to be checked out, you waste a co-pay and about 2 hours of your day, only to hear it is the Justa and now you look like a crazy mom who brings your kids in at the smallest little sniffle.

The Goombas have had this diagnosis so many times, that I actually put off doctor visits for them as long as possible. I wait for at least a week of misery before I give in. I always convince myself it is an ear or sinus infection and that this will be the time I am vindicated. 9 times out of 10, I am wrong. It is the dreaded Justa that decided to stop by just long enough to make the Goombas feel terrible and me go insane. Of course, then there is that 1 time, when it really actually is something that needs an antibiotic, that keeps you going back for more. And the thing is...I don't WANT my kids to have more than the Justa, because I don't want them to be sick and feeling so yucky and have to take nasty-tasting medication. But, darn you JUSTA! Darn you to heck.

**Sigh** Peach has been complaining for a week that her ears hurt. I have been putting off the inevitable. I had to give in today. So, Peach and Luigi and I are heading of to see our Dr. Kids in just a bit. I'm thinking we have about a 50/50 chance of having the Justa.

Remember to wash your hands and not share drinks. Let's stop the spread of this terrible virus today!


P.S. Thanks to my very, very dear friend, Ms. B, for originally naming the Justa so many years ago when our babies were so tiny.

P.P.S. Happy Birthday to Papa! The Goombas (and Bowser and I) are very excited to see you next week! I hope it is Beer:30 for you all day. :)

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