I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

A Mommy Drinking Game

Remember that game that you played in college (or maybe even high school, or maybe even still today?) called "I Never?"  If you never had the pleasure, here is how it works.  One person says, "I never ran around campus naked."  Then everyone who DID run around campus naked has to take a drink.  You can fill in the blank with whatever you want.  I never ate a worm, I never got arrested, I never fell asleep in class...   ok, you get the point.

Bowser and I were talking the other day about all of the things we said we would NEVER do as parents.  Oh there are so very many things....   So, I decided to make up my own little Mommy Drinking Game called "I Will Never."  Here are the rules: 1-Think back to your pre-baby days and remember all of the things  you said you would never ever ever do, and 2-If you did it, you have to take a drink.  Ready?  I've got my Coors Light right here.  And, GO!

I will never let my baby cry and ruin everyone's dinner at a restaurant.
    Drink one for me.
I will never let toys overrun my home. 
     That's another drink for me.

I will never let my child/children look disheveled or unclean in public.
    Better take 2 on that one.  

I will never let my child wear a Halloween costume for 6 months straight because it is the only thing they want to wear.

I will never drag my children kicking and screaming through a grocery store just to get milk because we have been out for 3 days and we need it desperately.
     Drink again for me.  

I will never run out of things like milk or bread or other healthy staples.
     Whew.  Another one.  

I will never fight with Bowser in front of the kids.
      I should probably just finish this first one.  *hiccup*

Ok, new beer.  How are you doing so far?

I will never let the laundry pile up so much that I have to go to Walmart to buy underwear just so the kids don't have to wear their dirty ones.

I will never be the obnoxious mother running up and down the sidelines of a sporting event screaming at her kid to "get on the ball and attack, what is wrong with you!!!!"
     chug, chug, chug.


I will never bribe my children with candy to get them through the church service/school concert/grocery store.
     Drink again!

I will never feed my children crap like high-fructose corn syrup and nasty things like fruit snacks and doritos.  
      Gulp.  This one is almost gone...

I will never make separate meals for my children if they "don't like" what we are having.  They will have to learn to eat what we eat.
     Just gonna go ahead and finish this one.    

Third beer.  (already?)  I fink I'm theeling tipsy.

I will never feed the kids ice cream and put on a movie for dinner just because I am too tired to deal with cooking a meal that no one will eat anyway.
    glug, glug, glug

I will NEVER let my kiddos watch more than 1 or 2 hours of tv a day.
    Drink!  Woo hoo!  Thish ish fun!!!

I will never spoil them with the latest video games/gaming devices/movies/etc.  (etcetera.  that is funny word.)
    Drinking againnnn!

Oh! I got anosther one!  I will never skip pages in a book at bedtime just to hurry up and get downstairs for the new episode of Grey's Anatomy.

I will never ever lie to my kids about things like "the ice cream man ran out of ice cream," or "sorry, Target doesn't let you buy toys on a Tuesday."
    Darn it, thish one ish almosht gone.   maybe if i turn the bottle uspshide down, I can get more...


Have you been playing along?  What ish your "I Vener...Nefer... wait... NEVERER?"


ps--have fun, drink responsibly, and enjoy laughing at how silly your pre-kid philosophies were!



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