When Mario was a wee small newborn baby, I had a lot of trouble breast feeding. I mean a LOT of trouble. And of course, as all new moms do, I beat myself with guilt over the fact that I was not able to properly feed my child. It was terrible. I already had the "baby blues," and all of that nonsense with nursing just made everything worse. But, this isn't about breast-feeding...
My very nice and sweet Mother-in-Law came to visit one afternoon when Mario was only a few days old. I had already had a rough day, and I'm sure I looked like hell, but I still tried to put on a happy face and sit with her for a while. That is when she dropped the bomb. My Mom-in-Law said, "Oh Honey, it's ok. Lots of people have trouble with breastfeeding at first."
You would have thought she shook the baby or something. I looked at her and burst into tears. Not just tears, but violent sobs of fury. I had to run into the other room. I threw myself on the bed and just cried and cried and cried. Bowser looked at me like maybe instead of just having a c-section a few days earlier, I had also undergone a lobotomy. Then he went to tell his mother that everything was ok, it's just that since the baby came, Daisy has kind of gone a little tiny bit insane.
My Mom was also with us at that point and she watched the whole crazy scene go down without saying much. While Bowser was downstairs trying to convince his mom that I didn't need to be put in a straight jacket just yet, my Mom came up to my room and told me I was having a "Pork Chop Moment."
Now I was sure that I wasn't the one losing my mind--it was my Mom. At first, I thought I mis-heard her. "Ummm, a what?" "A Pork Chop Moment," she said calmly as she sat on the bed with me. And then I burst into tears again, because I had no friggin' clue what she was talking about and that just made me an even worse mom than I obviously already was.
That is when she explained a Pork Chop Moment. When she was a young mother herself, and I was but a little lamb, she had the first of my two brothers. Her mom (Nana Peach) had come to stay and help her out with things around the house and looking after me. One day, my Mom got up from a much needed nap and went into the kitchen. She asked Nana Peach what she was doing. Nana Peach replied that she was making pork chops for dinner. Apparently pork chops were not what my tired and semi-crazed mother wanted that night, because she instantly burst into tears. Not just tears, but violent sobs of fury. (I think it runs in the family.) How could Nana Peach do this to her??? Of course, it was an absurd thing to cry over, but sometimes, when those post-partum hormones are a-ragin' there is just no controlling the floods. And so, the Pork Chop Moment was born.
After my Mom told me this story, I sniffled, smiled a little bit, washed my face and moved on with my day. In my head, I must admit, I thought she was maybe just a little bit crazy herself, but at least she made me feel better. Little did I know, over the years, the PCMs would keep on coming. And not just in the swing of the post-partum days, but really, they can sneak up on you at any time.
I have had PCMs over some seriously crazy things. First of all, any time I watch The Notebook, it is like having a 3-hour long PCM. I cry from the minute the movie begins till the very end. Then I sob through the credits. Then I have to go upstairs to my bed and cry into my pillow for a good 30 minutes. You would think I would just stop watching that movie, but I don't. I watch it every darn time it comes on TBS.
Some other PCMs...
~Bowser unloading the dishwasher. Don't ask. Just know that it caused a river of tears that would rival the Nile.
~Those damn coffee commercials at Christmas time when the son shows up unexpectedly on Christmas morning. Seriously, Coffee Ad Execs, what are you trying to do to me here?
~The other day when the Goombas were playing outside, Bowser was pushing them on the swing set and a bunny ran across the yard. It was something about that bunny that just made whole scene look so...so....unrealistically perfect that I lost it.
~After a particularly rough day, Bowser got some delicious fatty, greasy, salty drive-thru food to make me feel better. And the stupid punks that work there put cheese on my hamburger, even though Bowser CLEARLY stated that I wanted NO cheese. When he brought it home and I unwrapped it, saw the cheese, and...you guessed it...total PCM. Blubbering mess of running mascara. I couldn't even eat the French fries because I was so upset. And that is really saying something coming from me.
I have experienced many other PCMs. Some have been in public, which can be pretty embarrassing. Especially when you are trying to maintain your composure and the waitress is looking at you like, "Um, I just want to know what you want to drink, Freaky Lady."
So, worry not, dear friends, when you have one of those moments where the dam simply bursts. You are just having a Pork Chop Moment. And chances are, I am probably having one, too.