I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Time Warp

Have you ever noticed how quickly our children grow up? I am finding it hard to believe that the Goombas are 7, 3 and almost 2 years old already. I mean, what happened to those years? Where did they go? Wasn't it only yesterday that I was bringing each one of them home from the hospital in their little baby burrito blankets? I am watching them grow so fast and they amaze me every day. It's as though since the Goombas came along, I have been living in some sort of time warp, where the years are rushing by too fast.

But, this is not about THAT time warp. I'm talking about the other kind. The one that I suffer from nearly every day as a SAHM. I'm talking about how you can look at the clock and it says 3:08 p.m. Ok, you think. I can do this. Only 2 more hours till dinner. So, you play with the kids for a while, you check your Facebook, you sift through the mail, you get the kids milk and snacks... Then you think, oh! It must be about 4:45. Time to start dinner! You look at the clock and--what the WHAT??? It is only 3:11?!?!?!?! GAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! And that, my friend, is when you are stuck in the Mommy Time Warp.

We have all been there. In our house, I find that this happens several times a week. Usually between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m. For some reason, those hours just drag on and on and on and on. Sort of like when you are trying to get a 3-year-old to put on his shoes, go potty and get out the door. You could probably write a dissertation on nuclear physics in the same amount of time.

And, it isn't just me. Mario, Luigi and Peach will wail with boredom during these hours. They are waiting for Daddy to be done working so the minutes creep by at a snail's pace. "Daddy will be done working in about 45 minutes," I tell them. "Go play." They putter around for a while and finally find something to do. They are entertained for what seems like a good, long while and then the Time Warp strikes. When they ask me again, "How long till Daddy is done working?" I look at the clock and--AAK! "Sorry kids, it's still going to be about 43 minutes."

Some other warped moments in time are...

~Bedtime. There are nights when it seems like bedtime is never going to come. I try not to look at the clock, but every time I do, only about 30 seconds has passed. I think it is some kind of evil trick, planned by the Goombas to make Mommy go crazy.

~Naptime. You know those days when you really, really have to get something done, and it would be SO much easier to do it without children hanging from your limbs? Those are the days the Time Warp will get you. The project just looms over you as the minutes go backwards.

~Driving across certain Mid-Western states. On those long trips to Zazzy and Papa's house, we can usually make time go by fairly quickly. Then we get to the point where we are out of things to talk about and we have played all our favorite songs on the ipod. I look out the window and see mile marker 276. About 3 1/2 hours later, I look out the window and we are at mile marker 281. Apparently Dwight D. Eisenhower liked to put Time Warps on his Interstate system.

Of course, the Time Warp can also turn on you in an instant. Like when you finally get a date night with your husband. Recently, Bowser and I decided to drop the kids off at grandma's house so we could do a little shopping and go to see a movie. I think I blinked my eyes twice and suddenly it was 30 minutes past when we said we would come pick them up. And we hadn't even eaten yet. Wait! We just left...I neeeeeeed moooooooore tiiiiiime!!!!!!!

If only there were a button, you know, like the Staples Easy button. Only it would be the Time Warp button. When you realize the minutes are passing more slowly than frozen molasses sliding off a turtle's back, Bam! You just hit the Time Warp button and you warp ahead. And on the contrary, when they time is whizzing by you faster than you can change your third kid's diaper, Bam! Time slows down and you can actually finish that movie and eat dinner, too.

Wow. I just realized it has taken me 3 days to write this post. And the time warp strikes again.


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