I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Worst Mom Awards

Recently I had one of those experiences that left me feeling like the worst mother on the face of the planet. We went to Mario's back to school night and all three of them acted like little heathens. They were running around, screaming, and acting like no one had ever taught them any kind of manners. Luigi ran up to everyone and yelled in their face. Peach screamed every time I walked more than 2 steps away. It was fabulous. I tried not to make eye contact with any of the other moms, because I could just feel their thoughts of "Why doesn't she control those children?" flying through the air at me.

We made it home, although the Goombas almost ended up on the side of the road with a "for sale" sign on them. When we got home I went to my computer and checked Facebook. Because Facebook makes everything better. I posted about it and got several comments from other moms claiming that THEY were the worst mom ever. Then one mom posted the best idea I have ever heard. The great Ms. A suggested an awards ceremony for the worst moms ever.

I love this idea! You can only nominate yourself (because as moms we should never judge each other) and it is all in the spirit of fun. Here are a few of the categories...

~Too Much TV Award. This is for the Mom that allows her children to watch FAR too much television. As we all know, those oh so smart doctors at the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend no more than 2 hours of tube time a day. And NONE at all for children under 2. Something tells me there will be many competitors in this category, with me right there at the top of the list.

~Kids Throw a Temper Tantrum in the Store/Restaurant Award. We've all seen it, and most of us have been there. Little Bobby wants a toy. Mommy is not going to get it for him. Temper tantrum of epic proportions ensues. I try to be strong when this happens. I ignore it, I put said tantruming child in the cart and walk away, I have even left the store/restaurant. It keeps happening. Anything can set it off. Once it was because the French Fries were too hot. You become a front-runner in this category if you don't actually toss your kid out the window when he is in full on tantrum mode.

~Chicken Nuggets for Dinner Again Award. Let's face it. Kids are extremely picky eaters. Sometimes you just want to get some food in them. And, that whole "offer it to them 10 times and they will eat it" theory is a load of...you know what. So, yes. It is chicken nuggets, or pizza, or grilled cheese for dinner. For the 13th night in a row. If you have a problem with it, then YOU can try to feed my kids grilled salmon and veggies. You automatically win this award if they won't eat anything unless it is doused in ketchup or ranch dressing.

~Made the Kids Play Outside By Themselves Award. Some Moms...the perfect ones, I guess...can engage their children in educational and fun activities all day long. I am not one of those Moms. Sometimes, I just need a few minutes to breathe. Especially now that Mario and Luigi don't nap. So, yes, sometimes I send them outside to make their own fun. Does this make me a bad mom? No, it makes me a winner--of a Worst Mom Award!

~Lost Your Cool With the Kids in Public. We all want to look like awesome Moms when we are out in public. We plead with them to behave, we gently lead them away from trouble, we even bribe them with candy if they will just listen. And sometimes, none of this works. That is when you just lose it. This is what happened at back to school night. I actually YELLED at Luigi and Mario in front of other parents and Mario's new teacher. I was done bargaining. I just needed them to behave. Was I extremely embarrassed after it happened? Yes. Did they behave after that? For about 2 1/2 minutes. You definitely qualify for this award if you have ever lost it in front of Grandma. We all want to impress our Moms/Moms-in-Law, so falling apart in front of them makes you a Worst Mom winner.

And now...the Best Picture of the Worst Mom Awards....

Took Away Fun Because the Kids Didn't Behave Award
. This is a really tough Award to win. To be able to nominate yourself, you must have taken away some kind of beloved fun from your child because they misbehaved in some way. Child talked back to you? You took away the Wii for the rest of the day. Child threw temper tantrum in store? You took away Thomas for an hour. Child didn't do chores? You took away allowance for the week. Oh this can be so hard, because we don't want to take things away from our kids. But, they have to learn somehow that behaviors reap consequences. You are a winner of this Grand Award if your child has actually called you "The Worst Mom Ever."

Some other award categories...
~Ignored the Kids to Facebook Award
~Kids Repeat Naughty Words They Heard You Say Award
~Left the Kids With Dad For the Weekend So You Could Have Time for YOU Award
~Let the Kids Listen to Inappropriate Music in the Car Because You Like It Award
~Fed the Kids Non-Organic, Sugar-Filled Food Award
~Sent the Kids To Bed Early Because You Were Done for the Day Award

Congratulations to you if you find yourself in one or more of these categories!! You are my kind of Mom! And by the way, if you feel you can win one of these awards, that means you are rockin' it as a parent!


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