I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Conspiracy Theory

The other morning, while the youngest two Goombas were enthralled with the latest episode of Word World, I was sipping on my 2nd cup of coffee and stalking people on Facebook when an old friend from college popped up in my chat window. Erb has two small, adorable children that he swears are trying to kill him. Aaah, yes. I am most definitely familiar with the Goombas conspiring against me. And I have to admit, I was glad to hear mine aren't the only ones.

"They time their middle of the night wakings to prevent dad from getting more than 40 consecutive minutes of sleep for a week straight," said Erb. "One wakes up, i tend to him - once I get him down, she wakes up..." I nodded my head in agreement and gave him an LOL to let him know he is not alone.

"Wash, rinse, repeat," he went on, "and dad's chugging his second five-hour energy drink since 7:15." Oh, Erb, I SO get it!

It's like a 6th sense that children have. They can tell when Mom is stressed, or Daddy is getting tired. They see the weak moment and then go in for the kill. Once you have more than one child in the mix, watch out. They like to work together. The Goombas don't always play well, but they sure know how to work as a team to make me lose my mind.

Case in point... They can all be sitting quietly, doing their own things. Then the phone rings. As I walk over to answer it, I can see them exchange a look and a hand gesture, not unlike the catcher sending the pitcher signals in a baseball game. I should just stop where I am and let the phone ring, but of course, I don't. I answer it and silently pray that they all stay occupied throughout my conversation.

Suddenly, someone is screaming, someone is saying, "Mommy, Mommy, hey Mommy, Mommy" at 8,000 decibels, someone breaks a toy, cookie crumbs are scattered across the floor, the cat is getting thrown over the stair rail, someone misses the potty and milk is spilled all over the kitchen. As soon as I end the phone call to take care of the insanity, they all go back to their quiet playing in separate rooms as though nothing ever happened. I just know that they plot this out late at night when I am sleeping.

Erb and I decided we have no idea where this behavior comes from since we were both perfect as children and NEVER conspired against our parents when we were young. ...sigh...

As of right now, the Goombas are all quiet. They are in the basement together, doing who knows what. I have a feeling I am about to get hit with a coup of Goombas. I better brace myself. Oh, and Erb, grab another energy drink. I have a feeling your kiddos aren't done messing with you yet.


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