I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

This Morning's Fun

I had a lot of things planned for this morning. I needed to go to Costco to get my tires balanced, and while I was there I had plans to pick up milk and beer. Also, I wanted to just wander aimlessly around the Coscto, since there are always fabulous deals there that make me happy that I must bring home with me. It was going to be great.

After finally getting out the door with the younger 2 Goombas, we went on our merry way in Mini (my awesomely awesome van). Peach and Luigi were actually entertaining each other in the back, so I was able to listen to 2 whole songs all the way through. Really, this is going to be a fantastic day, I foolishly thought to myself.

As we turned into the shopping center where everyone's favorite warehouse is located, we were stopped at the Nemesis light. I swear to you, this light is NEVER green when you get there. It is green for the opposite direction, which no one is ever coming from. And, it usually takes at least 5 minutes of waiting before it changes. When it finally changes, you have about 3 1/2 seconds to get through it before it is red again. But, I digress...

We were waiting at the Nemesis, when I heard Peach cough. It was kind of a wet cough, so I glanced in the rear view mirror to check on her. What I saw coming back at me in the mirror was a thing of horror stories. Peach was projectile vomiting all over the back seat. There was no warning. No "Mommy, my tummy hurts," no "uh oh..." Nothing. Just lots and lots of vomit.

In the split second that it took my brain to register what was happening, Luigi started wailing and gagging, "Mommy! (gag) Peach is (gag, gag) BOFFING!!! (gag)" Sh!t. What is a mom supposed to do? So, here I am stuck at the Nemesis, screaming all kinds of sailor-words at it to just @#!$ change to green already, while Luigi continues to gag and holler, and poor Peach is whimpering while covered in her own "boff."

When the light FINALLY changed, after what seemed like 6 1/2 hours, I raced over across the street, pulled over like a maniac, flipped on my emergency blinkers and ripped open the van door to see the devastation that was my van. Luigi was still gagging and crying. Peach was covered head to toe in chunks. It was on the floor, on the back of my seat, on the window....well, I think you get my point. Of course, I had no towels or anything in the car with me, and there was no way the few wipes in my purse were even going to make a dent, so, I did what any other good Mommy would do. I took my coat off, wiped her face with the sleeve and then covered her up till we got home. The entire time, I held my breath and prayed silently that Luigi would not join in the puke-fest, for if he did, I would surely lose my own breakfast.

I managed to convince Luigi to look out the window, instead of at his sister. I tucked the jacket in around Peach so that she wasn't staring at her own partially digested food for the next 15 minutes. I don't do well with sickness of the stomach variety, so I popped in a piece of gum to mask the smell and drove home like a bat out of hell. One of the great things about Bowser working from home, is that he is a great vomit-cleaner-upper, which means, I only have to strip and bathe the sick child while he takes care of the mess in the car. By the way, we have it down to an art. This is not the first time a Goomba has let loose in the car.

Looking back on the events of the past hour, I realize that the worst part of it came when we got home and I was stripping Peach in the laundry room. And this, my friends, is how I know I have fully surrendered to motherhood... Although I do not do well with grossness like this, I started picking through the chunks, examining them and saying, "What the heck is this? What on earth could she have eaten?" I. Am. Disgusting.

Now we are back home. Peach is clean and sipping on juice out of her favorite princess cup. Luigi is chowing down nuggets with ketchup. Bowser is back at work. And I am trying to figure out how I can make it Beer:30 already.


No comments:

Post a Comment