I write a lot about my younger two Goombas, and since they are pretty much always with me, most people forget, or don't even know that I have an older child. That older child would be Mario, my almost-9-year-old, that inspired the "Goomba" theme for our family. I sometimes get so preoccupied with pre-schooler stuff, that I tend to forget that my oldest needs some lovin' too. Not that I am neglecting him, but hey, no mother is perfect. It can be so easy to think that he doesn't need my attention since he isn't hanging from my pant legs and screaming my name at obscene decibel levels over and over again. But, my dear sweet Mario does, in fact, still need me, whether he wants to admit it or not. And now that he is entering the **gasp!!!** 'tween years, he needs me even more, but I feel lost treading these new waters.
I've mentioned before about how I embarrassed him by trying to do the thumb-lick-face-wipe in front of the school building. I've also mentioned his new phrases, such as, "Dude! It was so cool!" And, "Whatever, it was, like, so awesome!" I even told you about my transition from Mommy to Mom. But, I don't think I have talked much about this newly incorporated personality trait. That would be his attitude. I kid you not, this 'tude of his is about the size of freaking China. I noticed it coming on slowly, but it hit us full force one evening when we had to take away his beloved DS. It went a little something like this...
Me: Mario, it is time to go take your shower. Find a place to save your game and head upstairs.
Mario: (complete silence)
Me: Mario, did you hear me?
Mario: Yeah. But, I'm playing.
Bowser: Mario. Mom is talking to you. It is time for your shower.
Mario: You guys just hate me and don't want me to have any fun!!!
Me: (dumbstruck) What?
Mario: You heard me. You never want me to do anything.
Bowser: All right. That is enough. Give me your DS and go take your shower. No more games tonight.
Mario: Fine. Whatever. It's not like you can play it anyway, it is out of battery. So, why don't you go ahead and charge it while you have it.
Me: (head explosion)
Bowser: Get. Upstairs. Now. (head explosion)
After Mario went upstairs, Bowser and I just sort of stared at each other. What just happened? Where did that attitude even come from? What kind of alien teenager took over our son's body?
All of this is so new to me. I have watched iCarly and Victorious with Mario to try to understand what is going on in the too-old-to-be-a-child/too-young-to-be-a-teenager mind. Let me tell you something. Those shows did not help me. In fact, they sent terrifying chills through my soul that my once loving boy is about to become a technology freak that will try to dupe me at any chance he gets, and will sneak out and do things like yell at me in front of his friends and other adults. Let's not even mention all the making out. I really don't think I signed up for this.
When Mario was a baby, I used to silently pray that he would get his father's attitude and disposition. It's not so much that I was a bad kid. It's just that... Well... How do I put this delicately? I do NOT want to deal with ME as a teenager. Bowser on the other hand, was a pleasant, easy-going, parent-obeying child/teenager. (Or so he says...) I really wanted that for my kids. Fortunately, it seems they all have his looks and unfortunately, my rebellious personality. Wonderful. (Damn that karma! She is such a bitch!)
I know we still have a few years until the actual, official teenage years, but I am really starting to worry. If this is what he is like at almost 9, what is it going to be like at 13, or 15, or 17??? Oh dear. Someone please tell me there is hope... Otherwise I might as well just buy myself an entire liquor store.